October 20, 2021

Some E3 Predictions: The Likely, Unlikely, and Bathshi*t Crazy

26 particularly rad photos of EA’s Peter Moore

The summer brings excitement to many looking forward to the warm weather and long days. But to nerds such as myself, the summer REALLY means that it’s time for Gamer Christmas: The Electronic Entertainment Expo. Yes, that time of year is upon us where gamers across the world focus all of our attention to a few convention halls in Los Angeles in the hopes of getting to see something exciting announced (Shenmue III!) or witness something truly horrendous (wtf Jamie Kennedy get off the stage please). The thrill from e3 is what keeps us going through the big Summer game drought and keeps us from slitting our wrists with our shattered copies of Duke Nukem Forever.

Duke Nuken Forever CD Cover
Forever was still not enough time…

Last year e3 saw some of the most exciting string of announcements at the convention in some time: Final Fantasy VII Remake, XBone backwards compatibility, Hololens, and SHENMUE III (I’m not excited for that one at all).

Shenmue III
Not at all.

So how is this year going to top it? Here are some of my predictions for this year’s conference: some likely, some unlikely, and some that are just Batsh*t crazy.

The Likely:

Bioware shows first Official Gameplay from Mass Effect: Andromeda

Bioware has been taking its time getting the next chapter in its massive space epic out, with the last two conferences resulting in a grand total of a minute and a half of cinematic trailer and several minutes of staff talking about the game (sprinkled with a few shots of the Mako in the new engine). There is no doubt that Bioware is doing everything to make sure that the game is at it’s very best for the current generation of consoles, especially after the adjustment issues of Dragon Age: Inquisition (I loved it, but it was lacking polish to be sure). Some leaked footage came out a few months ago that looked extremely promising, but this will be the perfect chance for EA and Bioware to blow fans minds. Not to mention that this is also a big opportunity to show off the fancy new Frostbite 3 game engine running with a space opera game that everyone doesn’t abandon after a week of playing.

Battlefront Cover
Yeah, you know who we’re talking about…

Hands-On Time with Media Molecule’s Dream Simulator

Dreams was one of the highlights of a Sony conference last year packed with more amazing reveals than you can shake a stick at (have I mentioned Shenmue III yet?). We saw the developers show off the creation engine, making a marionette type of being right before our eyes. It’s art, pure and simple, and presents endless possibilities. Seriously if you haven’t already, check it out.

[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01_QxdUiUZI[/embedyt]

Maybe it’s a long shot, but I think that given how impressive it was then, press might actually get to create some things of their very own using the powerful tool shown here. Regardless of whether or not it manages to live up to that gorgeous demo shown last year, we can all be certain of one thing: with absolute freedom in gamer hands, Weird Penis Creatures will be created.

Spore Law
It’s known as the “Spore Law”

Red Dead Redemption 2 Announced

Rockstar has shown with Grand Theft Auto V that they are quite happy with building one massive game every few years and supporting it with continual online content, much like what we have seen with GTA Online. So I don’t think that we’ll be seeing a GTA game proper for a while. But what is all but confirmed is a long-awaited sequel to one of Rockstar’s most beloved games of the last generation, Red Dead Redemption. There have been tons of leaks and rumours and things about this game in the last five months that this is practically a confirmed thing at this point. But my hope is that given all these leaks and things that the game is even further along than anyone expected and maybe in line for a Q1 2017 release? I sure as heck hope so because I’m itching to play Cowboy again.

Tony Romo
But even Rockstar can’t make those Cowboys fun #burn #gopackgo
The Unlikely:

Microsoft Announces Hololens for the Xbox One

One of the coolest things that we saw last year was Microsoft’s Hololens technology. Why is it so cool? Because it is so freaking futuristic and cool and like Minority Report in real life.

Minority Report
Hopefully Microsoft won’t cancel this after 10 episodes

But the Hololens is out and people seem to be really loving it and all of the possibilities that it opens up for everything from basic computing to gaming. And given that Sony has their VR system coming out for their console later this year, it might be the perfect opportunity for Microsoft to announce the crossover. I would normally think this is a given, but I wouldn’t be surprised if execs are hesitant after the Kinect debacle at the beginning of this console cycle.

Nintendo Shows off the NX (or at least says what it is)

For the last five years or so, Nintendo has opted out of having a traditional e3 press conference, choosing instead to have Nintendo Direct conferences, announcing things directly to gamers with the help of the most adorable Muppets in the world.

Shigeru Miyamoto
Move over Kermit, there’s a new Most Adorable puppet in the world

Nintendo’s NX Console has been their big mystery project, with them refusing to even say what it really is (it is a Traditional Console? Handheld? Bread Maker?), and this year doesn’t look like it’s going to be any different. Nintendo has already said that they are devoting their floor space and presentation time to the New Legend of Zelda game. However, given that the game is coming out for the NX as well as the WiiU (as announced earlier this year), it might be the perfect opportunity for them to reveal the NX without spoiling or overshadowing the historic franchise. Of course, Nintendo might just have 30 minutes of Reggie and Shigeru muppets running around and dancing and I think that I would be okay with that.

Final Fantasy VII Remake Release Date Announced

When Square announced the Final Fantasy VII remake at Sony’s presser last year, a million fanboys cried out all at once, and it was good. The long rumored remake was just at the conference in the form of a single cinematic trailer, but damn if what they showed didn’t send a little tingle to mah nethers. Square has since said that the game will be much larger in scope than anyone initially anticipated, spanning “several games”. This probably means that a release date is likely not coming just yet, and Square will probably focus on Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts III instead. But I know that my mind will be constantly thinking about that spiky-headed, cross-dressing, broody putz we all know and love.

This better get its own game
The Batsh*t Crazy:

SCEA CEO Andrew Head comes out on stage with The Last Guardian Release date tattooed on his arm

Some people called Peter Moore “crazy”. Some said “visionary”. Whatever you thought of him, the Halo 2 moment from e3 2009 is one of the all-time bests. And damnit The Last Guardian is something that I have been waiting for for what feels like a million years and I think Sony owes it to all of us loyal fans to announce it’s release in some spectacular/memorable/potentially tacky way.

Peter Moore
Your move, House.

Hello Games announces the No Man’s Sky delay was a joke and it’s already out – and already installed on everyone’s consoles!

Le sigh. To have to wait even two more months for this is torture. Don’t get me wrong, I want them to take all of the time that they need to get the game just right, but UGH AUGUST? So I’m just going to go all out and dream of a world when Sony just goes full Apple/U2 on everyone and surprise releases it. What? It’s MY batshit crazy predictions list, dang it!

I mean, this didn’t backfire at all!

Pokemon Sun and Moon introduces a Translator feature

This is the most batshit to me just because there are rumors that it might actually be true. The idea that we might be able to actually understand what our Pokemon are saying opens up a whole realm of deep, philosophical questions that we have to ask ourselves about keeping living creatures in tiny balls on our waist and using them for battle and labor.

I’m still not willing to say that PETA is right…

Sega announces another Kickstarter: a new Panzer Dragoon game

You want me to shut up about Shenmue? Do what you did last year, but with freaking Dragons. This isn’t a prediction so much as me begging someone to do this. PLEASE SEGA. PLEASE!

Panzer Dragoon
Don’t let this be the end of it… Sega, please. PLEASE.
Source Info
Images: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panzer_Dragoon_Orta

Henson Company Muppetizes Nintendo Staff

Ian Page

Level 6 Half-Orc/Pixie Barbarian | Pokemon Breeder Extraordinaire | Spartan for Life

Ian Page is a dude who partakes in many a thing. Whether ‘tis Games (Video or Tabletop), Books, Theatre, Movies, Football, or Politics; you can be sure he has an opinion.

Follow him in the day to day on Twitter: @iamianpage



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